Retirement: The Emotional Ride No One Prepares You For

After years—usually decades—of showing up, suiting up, and running toward the hard stuff, retirement can hit like a wall you didn’t see coming. You go from a packed schedule, endless obligations, and constant adrenaline... to wide open space. That space can feel exciting. It can also feel like freefall. Most first responders only prep for the financial side of retirement. The checkboxes. The pension. The math.

But what about the emotional side? The identity shifts? The "who am I without the badge?" questions? If that feels familiar, you’re not alone. The emotional rollercoaster of retirement is real. And predictable. And manageable—with awareness and support.

Let’s walk through what most people experience, and how you can move through it with clarity, strength, and purpose. I know. As first responders we do not think we are “most people” or have the same experiences. Please just stay open minded.

How Long Does It Take to Adjust to Retirement?

There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline. For some, it takes a few months. For others, it takes years. The key factor? Resources. And I’m not just talking about money. I mean purpose. Health. Connection. Structure. Support. The more you have in place, the smoother the ride.

A little about my story: That first year was rough—the lockdown, the riots, a personal health scare, the loss of my mother-in-law, and a wildfire that tore through the area around our mountain cabin. The second and third years were better; I checked off everything on my retirement to-do list and stayed productive, but something still felt “off.” I hadn’t quite found my rhythm. It wasn’t until year four that I truly hit my stride—teaching yoga, spending time with horses, nurturing strong relationships, building my businesses, and feeling deeply rooted in my new life. And now, as I step into year five, I’m finally excited about what’s next. So how long does it take to adjust to retirement? Honestly—it takes as long as it takes. And it’s okay if your timeline looks a little different.

Here’s what the research shows:

• If your support system and routines stay strong, your well-being likely will too.

• If you lose connection or purpose, your quality of life can dip.

• If you gain new energy, relationships, or goals, you can actually feel better in retirement than you did on the job.

• Your mindset matters.

Bottom line: build your resource network, not just your bank account.

The 5 Emotional Stages of Retirement (and What to Do in Each One)

1. Pre-Retirement: Time to Plan
This is where you start dreaming, planning, maybe even counting down. But beyond your finances, are you asking:

• What kind of life do I want to live?

• How do I want to feel when I wake up?

• What parts of my identity do I want to keep, and what do I want to grow into?

• Are my relationships secure?

What to Do:

• Picture your ideal day in retirement

• Check in on your health and habits

• Connect with people who energize you

• Build a basic routine now so it’s not a shock later

2. The Honeymoon: Sweet, Sweet Freedom
You did it. You’re out. No reports, no shifts, no chaos. This is a season of rest, celebration, maybe even travel. It can feel like one big exhale. But eventually, the high wears off. And questions creep in.

What to Do:

• Enjoy yourself fully, without guilt

• Start sampling hobbies and routines

• Pay attention to what fuels you (and what drains you)

• Begin creating a loose structure for your days

3. Disenchantment: The "Now What?" Phase
This one sneaks up. You thought you’d love the freedom, but you feel restless, bored, maybe even lost. You start to ask: "Is this it?" It’s normal. This is the identity crisis part of the journey.

What to Do:

• Be real with yourself about what you miss (and don’t)

• Avoid filling your time with random stuff just to stay busy

• Ask: What matters to me, not just what others expect?

• Get support—coaching, groups, therapy, whatever you need

4. Reorientation: The Real You Emerges
Here’s where things shift. You start building a new rhythm. You explore your identity beyond the job. You try things out, get clear on what brings meaning, and learn how to say no to what doesn’t.

What to Do:

• Journal. Reflect. Ask yourself better questions.

• Reconnect with your values and purpose.

• Try something new: volunteering, learning, leading, mentoring.

• Own your story—you earned the right to live fully.

5. Stability: You’ve Got Your Groove
You’ve made peace with retirement. You’ve got a routine that works. You’re doing things that matter to you. You might still have hard days, but you trust yourself to handle them.

What to Do:

• Protect the lifestyle you’ve built

• Stay curious, challenged, and connected

• Invest in your well-being daily (movement, breath, mindset)

• Keep stretching yourself—you’re not done growing

Easing Into Retirement

Retirement isn’t a finish line. It’s a new trail. One you get to blaze. You won’t always know the next step. You might loop through these stages more than once. The key is to stay engaged with your life.

Keep asking:

• Who am I becoming?

• What do I need right now?

• What’s one small action I can take today?

I’ll be the first to admit—first responders carry experiences and “extras” that truly set us apart from the rest of society. Our careers have shaped us in ways that most people will never fully understand. But in respecting that uniqueness, I also want to invite you to consider that we still go through many of the same emotional stages of retirement that research has identified in other professions. I’m not asking you to fit yourself into a box or slap on a label. I’m simply asking you to be aware—because awareness gives you the power to prepare, adapt, and create a retirement that actually meets your needs and supports the life you want to live.

You spent a career protecting and serving. Now it’s time to take care of you.

You’ve earned this.