5 Years? Have I Failed?
Five Years Retired: Am I Where I Should Be?
This month marks five years since I hung up my badge. Five years since I left behind the structure, schedule, and stress of policing. Five years of stepping into something new. And if I’m honest, I still sometimes catch myself asking:
Am I where I’m supposed to be?
Have I done enough?
Am I measuring up to what retirement is “supposed” to look like?
Because when I look at social media, I see people announcing six- and seven-figure businesses, exotic vacations, picture-perfect lives. And then I pause and wonder—is that the measuring stick?
What Retirement Really Looks Like
For me, here’s the truth at five years:
My businesses are strong, and they’re making a real difference.
I have a circle of women I trust and lean on—friendships that feel like family.
My health is moving in the right direction. The small, consistent choices—movement, rest, food that fuels, managing stress—are adding up.
And most importantly, I feel grounded in who I am outside the uniform.
That may not fit into a flashy Instagram post, but it feels good. It feels steady. And steady is success.
Measuring Success Beyond Social Media
So how do we know if we’ve “done well”? Especially as women who served in roles where every decision carried weight?
Here are some checkpoints I use for my clients and myself—not based on other people’s highlight reels, but on mental, physical, and relational health:
Mental Health: Are you sleeping better? Do you have tools for handling stress? Can you breathe easier today than you did a year ago?
Physical Health: Are you moving your body in ways that feel good? Are your numbers (blood pressure, cholesterol, strength, flexibility, A1C) trending in a healthier direction?
Relationships: Do you have a small group of people who really know you—and love you—as you are now, not just who you were in uniform?
Purpose: Do you wake up with something meaningful to give your time and energy to, whether that’s work, family, volunteering, or personal growth?
If you’re checking yes—even imperfectly—to some of those, then you are right where you should be.
The Trap of Comparison
Comparison is a thief. It robs us of joy in what we’ve actually built. And here’s the thing: the glossy version of someone else’s life doesn’t show the behind-the-scenes reality. Just like in our careers, we know the truth—things aren’t always as they appear on the surface.
What matters isn’t whether you’re matching someone else’s path. What matters is whether your life today feels aligned with what you value most.
Thriving in Your Retirement
Five years in, here’s my biggest lesson: there’s no “supposed to” in retirement. There’s only yours.
If your businesses are steady, your friendships are solid, your health is moving forward, and you’re waking up with a sense of purpose—you’re doing well. Really well.
The badge may be behind us, but our next chapter isn’t about proving anything to the world. It’s about living a life we don’t regret—on our own terms.
To my sisters in service: if you find yourself asking, am I enough? am I on track?—pause. Breathe. Look at the good in your life right now. Chances are, you’re doing better than you think.
What if you don’t feel like you’re doing well—not because you’re comparing yourself to others, but because of the questions that keep you up at night? Maybe you’re still struggling with sleep, lying awake with racing thoughts. Maybe your health isn’t moving in the direction you’d like, and every checkup feels like another reminder. Maybe you don’t yet have the circle of supportive relationships you crave, or maybe you’ve retired from service but haven’t yet discovered the work, hobbies, or passions that light you up.
If that’s you, you’re not alone. Many women hit this stage of retirement and realize they’ve spent decades taking care of others, while their own needs, dreams, and health took a back seat. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it simply means it’s time to re-focus. This is your invitation to pause, take stock, and make intentional choices to shift your path. Because thriving in retirement isn’t about where you “should” be, it’s about choosing where you want to go next.
Reaching out for help can be one of the most powerful steps you take. That might mean connecting with a trained coach—someone like me, who has both the professional tools and the lived experience of helping women help themselves through this transition. It might mean seeking mental health support, which is not only more available today but also far more accepted than it used to be. And don’t overlook the people already in your life. Friends and family can be incredible sources of strength—just be mindful about who you trust and open up to. Sometimes, the right person is closer than you think. And sometimes, you already know exactly what you need—you just have to find the courage, accountability, or resources to take the first step.
Take a moment to pause and reflect: If you looked at your own life today, what would your five-year check-in look like? Are your choices, friendships, and health moving you toward the life you want?
If you’re not sure—or if you’re ready to create a plan that leaves no room for regret—I’d love to walk that journey with you. Reach out, and let’s talk about what thriving looks like for you
